complicated

life is complicated

from that single moment,
we are

and then what is there for us?

a thousand sufferings
a thousand joys
a thousand words
a thousand people all around
all around

we were what we are
what are we now?

there is only cold
and hot
and dark
and light

there is only friendship
and loneliness
companions
and enemies
lovers
murderers
haters
destroyers

i don't know what to say
i weep
chills run down my spine
and all i do is weep

as the world falls apart
i stand and watch
depravity and cold snow
falling like rain from the sky

part 2

as i lay and stare at nothing really
i think i see a shadow far above
and something falls
a small thing
hits my head
splashes in the water

i sit up
reach into the shallowness
grab the thing and hold it up

i must sit and ponder a moment
what is this thing?
a word springs forth - seed
and an idea jumps into my head - plant

so i dig a shallow hole in a shelf of the pit
place the seed inside
cover it gently with dirt
and i wrap my arms about my knees
and sit
and wait
and watch

what i lack

i am lacking many things
some of which i need
and one of these, disheartening,
the courage to proceed

i know not how to speak my mind
my voice stops in my throat
i choke, i fear what they may think
and so i hide my hope

my face is blank when i look round
for heart i do supress
it stays inside its little box
devoid of happiness

i am not brave, and every day
i curse my stupid pride
which holds my tongue and chills my bones
until i want to cry

i long for bravery inside
i long to be set free
from chains i bind about myself
and doors without a key

God help me, i will scream aloud
for soon i'll reach the point
when i must choose to run away
or stand on my two feet

part 1

so here i sit
wallowing in shallow water
doing the back float
not much to do

the edge is far away
i can't see it
i don't remember what it looks like
too dark to see.

i'm dozing off
it's nice and quiet
not even the sound of birds...
i can barely feel my heart beat...