the battle

once upon a time

the warrior fought a battle

him and the enemy

raged 'cross the earth

destroying all in their wake

and the battle lasted a century

but the warrior won

defeating the enemy

the enemy fell

with a crash into the sea

and the warrior stood

forever valiant

and waited for the world's adoration

which never came

for there was no one left

and the warrior fell to the earth

in shock and sorrow

and he was no more

how could i know

the day i yelled at you

how could i know that when the door shut

you cried yourself sick

a whole box of tissues 

used and crumpled all over the bed?

the day you yelled at me

how could i know that when i slammed the door

you stumbled blindly

sat and stared at a blank wall for a week

couldn't speak a cohesive sentence?

the day we broke up

how could i know that when i turned my back

you sat on a bench 

in the snow

and didn't move

until someone came to lead you to your apartment

and you were in the hospital for three days 

with pneumonia?

the day we broke up

how could i know that when i watched you go

you ran and ran and ran

then stood on the bridge

contemplating the water

and you would have jumped into the icy depths

if someone hadn't come to stop you

and you didn't leave your house

or move at all

for three weeks?

the day i moved

how could i know that when the plane took off

you were watching the sky

and thinking of me

surrounded by friends

and feeling more lonely 

than you had ever felt before?

the day you moved

how could i know that when the plane took off

you took out that photo we took

so long ago

and stared at it

and dialed my phone number so many times

always pushing the clear button?

the day when it hurt most

how could i know that 

you were contemplating

a bottle of pills?

the day when it hurt most

how could i know that

you bought a pistol

and a box of bullets?

the day the phone rang

how could i know that you hadn't moved

or eaten

or drank

or slept soundly

for three days

and all your friends were concerned

and tried to talk to you

and brought you the ringing phone?

the day the phone rang

how could i know that you were in a rage

because your friends confiscated

the pills

the razors

the gun

the chemicals

the alcohol

and they dialed my number

and forced you to talk?

the day the phone rang

you cried

the day the phone rang

you threw the phone across the room

the day the phone rang

something broke

the day after the phone rang

it rang again

frozen

something is coming

anticipation

the moon shines bright

a million miles above us

i can feel it

we are beneath a sea of glass

watching waves crash above our heads

suffocating

the moon is above

watching coldly

with empty eyes

and indifference enough to kill us all

we wander blindly

unseeing with light all around

the moon is too bright for us

we are defeated soon

and all we can do now is wait

wait for the moon to snuff itself out

something is coming

coming to choke the moon's light

and now we see

with cold but seeing eyes

the moon far above the sheet of glass

frozen in a sphere of ice

color

once upon a time of old

there was a silver pot of gold

and in the pot was something good

a rose bouquet, a heart of wood

a box of sweets wth naught inside

a flock of doves, a soft deer hide.

and all these things together mixed

and poured into a box of sticks.

the box was shook and shook around

and thrown into a hollow mound

which soon was flooded by the sea

and drowned along with even me.

the ocean killed me in a flash

but this here box survived at last

and saved the world with rose bouquet

and dove flock, sweet box, all ash gray

each had its uses, to the last

yet not a color came to pass.

isolation

isolation
my heart is slowly breaking
but don't worry, i don't feel a thing

a haze
the haze is everywhere
my eyes
oh God, my eyes!

no no no, I feel nothing
think nothing of it
no pain, no gain
or so they say

oh oh, but God i am so alone
i want to scream, i hope i can be heard
i want to die, and hope that someone sees
and hope no one sees

oh, i am bleeding
what is this blood from bloodless skin?
what is the source?
where is the pain?
no pain...no source...no blood

i'll walk it off
to the ends of the earth
off the edge of the sea

why am i so cold?
a chill creeps into my bones
takes hold of my soul
numbs the pain
numbs my thoughts
i cannot...
no, no more
i only want to sleep
not to...
or to...
i want...
sleep

let me sleep
no...
don't wake me

complicated

life is complicated

from that single moment,
we are

and then what is there for us?

a thousand sufferings
a thousand joys
a thousand words
a thousand people all around
all around

we were what we are
what are we now?

there is only cold
and hot
and dark
and light

there is only friendship
and loneliness
companions
and enemies
lovers
murderers
haters
destroyers

i don't know what to say
i weep
chills run down my spine
and all i do is weep

as the world falls apart
i stand and watch
depravity and cold snow
falling like rain from the sky

part 2

as i lay and stare at nothing really
i think i see a shadow far above
and something falls
a small thing
hits my head
splashes in the water

i sit up
reach into the shallowness
grab the thing and hold it up

i must sit and ponder a moment
what is this thing?
a word springs forth - seed
and an idea jumps into my head - plant

so i dig a shallow hole in a shelf of the pit
place the seed inside
cover it gently with dirt
and i wrap my arms about my knees
and sit
and wait
and watch

what i lack

i am lacking many things
some of which i need
and one of these, disheartening,
the courage to proceed

i know not how to speak my mind
my voice stops in my throat
i choke, i fear what they may think
and so i hide my hope

my face is blank when i look round
for heart i do supress
it stays inside its little box
devoid of happiness

i am not brave, and every day
i curse my stupid pride
which holds my tongue and chills my bones
until i want to cry

i long for bravery inside
i long to be set free
from chains i bind about myself
and doors without a key

God help me, i will scream aloud
for soon i'll reach the point
when i must choose to run away
or stand on my two feet

part 1

so here i sit
wallowing in shallow water
doing the back float
not much to do

the edge is far away
i can't see it
i don't remember what it looks like
too dark to see.

i'm dozing off
it's nice and quiet
not even the sound of birds...
i can barely feel my heart beat...

define

i am alone
therefore i must be lonely
i am lonely
and so i am alone

the worst logical fallacy
juxtaposing two things
each so unlike the other

so why am i alone?
why am i lonely?

alone for lack of friends or family
for lack of voice, for lack of listening
for lack of social skills
for lack of friendliness

lonely for lack of companions
for lack of a chance to speak
for lack of time to practice smiling
for lack of someone at my side

and so it goes
the lists go on and on
no definition comes to mind
and so i am left with
lonely and alone

i am lonely
therefore i am alone
i am alone
and so i must be lonely

i once had a dream

my friend once told me
in a dream
that we are no longer children

is it all over, then?
i don't want to go forward
i cannot go back

let the uneasy feeling
run down my throat
keep it from bursting from my mouth

it's over, all of it
the rainbow is ending
my world is crashing around me

they will all go forward
i see it in my mind
but i cannot follow

i fear that i can only stand
and stare into the future
with tears streaming from my eyes

my cross

though a burden on my back
yet i am walking on
against the crowd
no face looks with kindness to me
i am shunned though my cross hinders
i am scorned and spat upon
yet still i trudge against the crowd

i long to put the cross away
and stand still, at the least
to let go and fly away from hope
with crowds and words which sound to tired ears as good

yet on i trudge, my face against the crowd
cross on my back, a burden, a sign to the world

time to fear

shadows craw
across the ground
in swirling fury

fear now,
children of the fields

the dragon is coming

i am

i am the picture of innocence
i am a lie

i am truth torn to shreds
beaten
broken
bleeding
then poorly mended again
a truth less than what it was

i am the beast with no words to speak
and no home to speak them to

i am the paradox of light and shadow
friend and foe

you and i

we are so lonely, you and i

we have always watched over you
weeping in sorrows unknown
unable to vent anger upon you
for we know who you were

or rather, who you are

but we know who you are
so we can watch over you
we want to help
but it is not our orders we follow

we miss them so badly
you are all that's left
you are our only hope
all must die, and you will live

not our orders, not our business

everything has been planned

we must just obey

for if we do not
all is lost
all is lost
they are lost

many have died
you have died
it is necessary
and i have died

and i have died now
so lonely
the one i love
is gone long ago before me

have you died yet?
are you ready?
where is the end?
are you the end?

hide and seek

'i seek you not,
so you cannot see me!' i scream defiantly

and i laugh and laugh and laugh
and weep and weep

in loneliness i keep
persistence on my side

hiding in the open with my back turned,
hands over my eyes

i know you are near me
'you can't see me, i can't see you!'
i feel you behind me too

what do i do? where can i hide?
if i find you, what is next?

i wander blindly, hands over my eyes
in loneliness, persistence on my side

all is lost

today's a day, tomorrow a year
many windows are breaking

sing a song of joy in my ear
all for true love's saking

the princess waits for clock strike twelve
but thirteenclock has come

the waves upon the sea have spelled
a death will soon become

who are the peasants watching us
do they have ears to hear

the end is coming, all is lost
my love no more sincere

the one i seek

staring up into the sky
waiting still for by and by
something never comes of this
anxious dreams and hopeless wish
we cannot find the one we seek
searching always in the stars
a nameless faceless lonely thing
i'm looking for the one i love
looking for the one i love
looking for the one i love
the one i love

everywhere

there is so much of it
i want to drown in it
it seems a waste
not to

the moon is quite deceiving

the moon is quite deceiving
way up high in the sky
sometimes it plays a little trick
that bright mischievous eye
it slowly starts a-blinking
and just as slowly turns
its mournful gaze again to us
each time, so someone learns

how is the moon deceiving?
sometimes i'm not quite sure
but that bright light from so above
turns some men into cur
and some to shaking pansy's
and others to worse fates
yet there is yet good in its power
not all is left to hate

for moon brings too a love song
that falls from sky like snow
and coats all in its blessing
its so hard to say no

ode to a broken heart

i see a heart there, fallen, broken, bleeding

to whom do you belong, dear lonely heart?

tell me, who did this foul thing, impeding

love and happiness, tore you apart?

speak now the name, and i with all my might

shall seek to bring for you some recompense.

open your silent mouth and scream the spite

of he who stoops to such a low offense.

but one moment; if the name you hate

bears likeness to mine own, then hold your tongue.

for surely my pure heart is clean as slate

no such blemish in me could be hung.

if you should ask me, “sir, why should i think

that you might be the one that i despise?”

i have no answer, and i will only shrink

away from you, who saw right through my lies.

if you will speak but lies into my ears

then i shall help you, and also myself.

i will be able to hide from my fears

and keep them well away on my heart’s shelf

where

where are you little child
so that i might paint spirals on your face
and gems into your hair

where have you flown
you with face pocked like the moon
with summer's friend and winter's heat

you with golden ears, listen
come back so that your face may be known again
hair like starlight
and creature's sigh
o how i long
to talk to you and see your wearied face

where have you flown
with yesterday's tears
and tomorrow's wings

bring for today a star
grown from a rose
so that we might see
and understand

infatuated eyes

twixt house and home
lies depths of sorrow reaching
entwined in snow
and cords of blue and green

the love has grown
to something hunger seeking
and eats away
at anything in between

he guards the shadows
from what no one can tell
and fears them too
yet this he does not speak

and she alone
stands back to him and waits
for him to call
show love to her again

the love has flown
if ever it was there
but these two blooms
know nothing of the kind

they only know
what they themselves presume
to be true love
with childish innocent eyes